i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
