i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
