At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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