Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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