dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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