All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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