i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
