She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
