yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
