The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize