My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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