Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
