I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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