Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
