this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
