im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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