I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
