i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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