ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize