WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize