You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
