You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
