did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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