Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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