lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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