I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
