i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
