bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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