Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
His hands were made for my vagina.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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