Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Small penises have feelings too.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
