FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
