I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
