sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
