My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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