the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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