Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
