i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize