so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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