So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
