My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
