In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
