he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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