my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
