and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Come share oat with me in your robe
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
