I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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