I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
