Someone shit on the floor
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
