Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
