i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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