is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize