It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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