How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
