Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
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