Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
