i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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