Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
