I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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