Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
