worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize