Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
