he was CRYING into my vagina
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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