I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
