Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
