dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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