How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
