I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
