these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
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