Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
